Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box
A Book Review by The Arbinger Institute
Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box
A Book Review by The Arbinger Institute
Reading Time: 8 minutes
Have you ever felt like everyone around you is the problem? Your coworkers are incompetent, your family members are unreasonable, your boss doesn't appreciate you? What if I told you that this very perspective might be the root of most of your relationship and leadership challenges? This is the provocative premise of "Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box" by The Arbinger Institute, a book that has quietly revolutionized how thousands of leaders think about themselves and their organizations.
The Central Concept: Being in the Box
The book introduces a deceptively simple yet profound concept: we spend much of our lives "in the box," a state of self-deception where we see others not as people, but as objects that either help or hinder our objectives. When we're in the box, we systematically justify our own behavior while blaming others for problems. We see ourselves as victims, even when we're often the source of the dysfunction.
The Arbinger Institute delivers this concept through a narrative format, following Tom, a newly hired executive at a company called Zagrum. On his first day, his boss Bud tells him something shocking: "Your problem is going to be that you're in the box." What follows is a day-long conversation that completely transforms Tom's understanding of leadership, relationships, and himself.
The Power of the Narrative Approach
Unlike typical business books filled with bullet points and case studies, this book unfolds as a story. We follow Tom as he resists, questions, and gradually comes to understand what it means to be in the box. This narrative structure isn't just more engaging; it's essential to the book's message. Because self-deception by its very nature resists direct confrontation, the story allows readers to see themselves in Tom without feeling attacked.
The dialogue between Tom and his colleagues at Zagrum feels authentic and often uncomfortable, in the best way. We watch Tom struggle with the same defensiveness we might feel. We see him have the same realizations that slowly dawn on us as readers. This mirroring effect makes the book's lessons hit home in a way that traditional business writing rarely achieves.
How Self-Betrayal Creates the Box
The book's most powerful insight is how we get into the box in the first place. It starts with what the authors call "self-betrayal," those moments when we sense we should do something for another person but then don't do it. Maybe you notice a coworker struggling and feel you should offer help, but you're too busy. Perhaps you see your partner is exhausted and you sense you should take on more household tasks, but you don't.
