Heartbreak and Anxiety - A Delightful Pairing

How 188+ systematic thinking errors are costing businesses billions—and why survivorship bias might be the most dangerous trap of all

One afternoon, desperate for reprieve, I lay down on my bed, hoping for a nap. Out of nowhere, an intrusive thought hit me: I wished someone I loved dearly would die. WHAT THE HELL. I jolted upright, adrenaline surging through me again. I was terrified of my mind. I hated the fear running through me, but I did not know how to stop it. My thoughts felt gospel, and I couldn’t turn them off. It seeped into everything, I began oversharing with anyone that would listen, I felt so vulnerable and alone and ashamed - I should be able to handle this, shortly followed by no one understands. Friends were there for me and telling me all the right things: “It’ll get better”, “Let’s go out and dance, you’ll be fine”!

One morning at the traffic lights, I wondered if I threw myself in front of the bus if would it kill me? I didn’t want to die, I just wanted my brain to stop. As I made my way down to the tube, I resigned myself to another day at work; at least I would be busy. The journey took 1 hour and was mostly underground. Usually, I could manage the occasional bout of claustrophobia, but that day was different. As the carriage emptied and I sat alone, a rush of adrenaline hit me. My chest tightened, my heart pounded, and my arm went numb. I jumped off at the next stop, convinced I was having a heart attack. No, just a panic attack.

I managed to calm my breathing, but when I got to work, my boss took one look at me and said I needed to go home. “I’ve been through a tough patch,” he said gently. “I recognise the signs. Go to the doctor.” I felt so vulnerable there with him. I wanted him to wrap me in a ball and pet my head.

At the GP, I listed my symptoms, holding back tears as the lump in my throat swelled. “I just want to feel well,” I said. She suggested therapy and antidepressants. I’d never considered medication before, but at that point, I was willing to try anything to ease the crushing weight in my chest.

My therapist was a male, and a nice distraction I won’t lie, but after the shine wore off and the fantasies of running off with him lessened (!) I got to the real work - it helped me see that thoughts are temporary, not truths, and they can’t kill you. I was overwhelmed, and this time would pass. Stress can do this to your body. I had no idea.

The medication took weeks to kick in, and at first, it made my anxiety worse. WORSE? But then, one day, I was walking along Camden High Street. The sun was shining, and for the first time in months, the heavy weight in my heart lifted. My nervous system felt calm, balanced. With the sunlight warming my face, I could finally see myself emerging.

I wept quietly with joy. Someone had thrown me a float amidst the choppy waters, and I was no longer sinking. That glimmer of hope made me realise that everything was going to be okay and I could rebuild my life, one step at a time.

If you’re going through anxiety or heartbreak right now, I just want you to know—you’re not alone, and you’re not broken! It doesn’t feel like it now, but things can and will get better. Take it one small step at a time. Talk to someone you trust, write things down, sing in the mirror, distract yourself, feel it all and remember you are NOT your thoughts. They can’t kill you. You’re not broken, you’re re-building.

I know how isolating anxiety and heartbreak can feel, and sometimes just connecting with someone who gets it can make a huge difference.

Rooting for you! Sammy Bond

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